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Elevator Effluent

Loquacity in the German Lift

Germans are hardly known for being gregarious. But stick them in an elevator and they just won't shut up. A hello and goodbye to fellow riders is mandatory.

When thinking of Germans, gregarious is hardly the first word to come to mind. And with good reason. They simply don't like initiating conversation with people they don't know. Should you head to a party thinking you're going to meet a ton of Germans, be prepared to work for the pleasure.

Even those you see on a regular and frequent basis -- someone at the gym say -- are likely to greet you with a stony silence even though you’ve both showed up at the same place at the same time three times a week for over a year.

But step inside the claustrophobic confines of an elevator, and that Teutonic reluctance to pollute the air with unnecessary verbiage magically disappears. Not that Germans become chatty Cathys when the doors slide shut, but elevator etiquette is to be ignored at your peril. When entering, a “hello” to fellow riders is good form; when leaving, a “bye” is obligatory. Failure on either score is considered indescribably rude.

To foreigners, especially those working in multi-story office buildings, the custom can prove perplexing. A German might enter the lift with a scowl on his or her face that communicates one of the following: a) my husband has just left me; b) my boss has just fired me; c) I’m being audited by the tax authorities; or d) say one word to me and I’ll kick your teeth in. The conscientious fellow passenger will wisely retreat to the back of the elevator car and look at the floor for the remainder of the silent ride.

But once the destination of the apparently pissed-off person is reached, the parting shot won’t be a murderous glare. Instead you’ll often hear a chirpy farewell, usually the informal “tschüss” (“bye”). Some like to stretch it out until it resembles something like “tschüüüüüüüüss!”

While the practice can be confusing, it can also be comforting in a way. That hostility that filled the elevator during the ride immediately vaporizes -- and you realize that your life, in fact, hadn't been in danger. At the same time, though, it can be positively tiring. If you work in a high-rise, all the guten Tags and tschüsses you’re forced to respond to get annoying as you make your way up to the 30th floor. By that time, the look on your own face might have started resembling those of your fellow passengers. And oddly, you start wishing that the normally reticent Germans would just shut up.

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